Being Pro-Choice Does Not Mean Pro-Abortion

The ignorance of people really does amaze me.  Now I am not going to lump all of those who are pro-life into one category because I do actually respect the various opinions.  I can understand, to a limited extent, where their opinions are coming from.  But what of the ones who think abortion is wrong, but think its ok when the pregnancy resulted from rape or incest….doesn’t this make them a hypocrite?  Wouldn’t the resulting embryo/fetus be just as innocent?  Considering I am pro-choice, I support fully a woman or girl obtaining an abortion to terminate a pregnancy that resulted from rape, but I also support a woman to be able to obtain an abortion for elective reasons.  Go ahead and bash me.  I’m used to it.  I’ve dealt with the ignorance of the zealous pro-lifers.  I’ve visited a women’s clinic three times in my life.  Only once was for an elective abortion. 

Contrary to popular pro-life belief, those of us who have obtained abortions were not irresponsible young women looking for an easy way out as soon as we found out we were pregnant.  I hate it when I hear someone say that all women who get abortions do so for selfish reasons, one of which even said aborting a rape pregnancy because the mother couldn’t handle it was “selfish”.  Had this girl been face to face with me, I would have smacked her.  We don’t go around having unprotected sex with the plan to abort if we become pregnant.  Contraceptive failure happens.  Rape happens.  Accidents with other sexual actions happen.  And when you find yourself faced with an unplanned pregnancy, your whole world changes.  I can only tell you my experience.  I cannot speak for others.  I’ve not walked in their shoes. 

When one contemplates abortion, it is not something taken lightly.  That is another myth amongst the pro-life crowd.  They assume as soon as the test reads positive, we think “Oh, I’m just gonna get rid of it.”  NOT TRUE.  We do weigh our options.  We do consider other paths.  Sometimes the abortion makes sense at that point in our life, sometimes the others paths are blocked and the abortion is the only route left available.

I stumbled across a pro-life website that had a list of abortion “facts”.  Top of the list was “abortion is legal thru all nine months for any reason”.  UNTRUE.  A woman who is 7 or 8 months pregnant cannot just go to a doctor and say she doesn’t want it anymore.  They will give her referrals for adoption, but that is it.  Termination is not an option.  And for those of us who are pro-choice, we do not support abortion on viable babies.  Yes, I say baby.  Once they can live outside the mother, they’re a baby.  They’re nervous system and brain is fully formed.  They’re conscious.  They’re aware.  Want to discuss whether its murder or not, wait until then.  But within the first 12-15 weeks?  Sorry, but emotion and guilt trips will not sway me or others who think like me.

I understand my words will not change views.  Keep in mind that a person who is pro-choice is not pro-abortion.  We support a woman’s right to choose what is best at the time.  We support her right to decide to terminate.  We support her right to decide to carry to term and parent.  We support her right to decide to carry to term and relinquish for adoption.  And no women should feel obligated to carry a pregnancy to term for someone else.  Let her carry to term with adoption in mind because she WANTS to do it.  Women are not incubators, you cannot expect a woman to continue an unwanted pregnancy because someone else wants it.   Let her do it because she wants to.  Instead of all of us fighting amongst who is right or who is wrong, maybe we should work together to bring better sex education to our young people, contraceptives that are 100% effective.  Quit saying “Just don’t have sex”.  That’s not getting us anywhere.  It never has.  Whether a person is single, married, young or old, we will not abstain from sex just to avoid getting pregnant.  Better sexual education (not that crap that abstinence only groups spew), better contraceptives….I don’t want to see abortions criminalized.  Making them illegal will only cause more women to find ways to do it themselves or thru unlicensed butchers, and end up doing more damage than intended.  No, I refuse to allow it to be criminalized.  I am happy with the restrictions and regulations on late term abortions….but to criminalize all stages would be disasterous.  I don’t want to see all abortions become illegal.  I want to see better education and better health services so those numbers can be REDUCED.

I’m a Natural Mother, NOT a Birthmother

This is who I am. It is not something I am proud of, but it is not something I am shamed of, either. I made this decision with a heavy heart, in spite of my admittance of never wanting a second child. Not a day goes by that I do not think about her. She is rarely spoken of in my home, except between me and my four year old daughter I am raising. My mother doesn’t want to be confronted with it and my dad…well, you know how some men are. He will never admit it, but I think he truly does miss her too. The pain never leaves. Some days it is simply dull, like an old wound slowly healing. But this loss will never heal the way it should. Yes, I made this decision with a sound mind. Yes, I pursued it all without pressure or coersion. This does not mean I am uncaring or unloving. I love both my daughters. Yes, she is still MY daughter. Nothing can take that away. I talked to her while she was still in my belly. Her big sister talked to her while she was still in my belly. I gave birth to her. No legal piece of paper take away my title as her MOTHER. If you are offended that I dare call my relinquished child MINE…so fucking what! She is still MINE. She is only legally someone else’s. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today is one of those bad days. I should not have to act like she does not exist to me anymore just to make someone else happy. No MOTHER should have to move on, forget about their child and act like their child never existed just to help some infertile couple keep up the “as if born to” farce. You cannot mold the adopted child to be more like you! Much of their personality is genetic, whether you want to believe it or not. An adopter in one of my groups was offended that we dared to call ourselves “natural mothers”. Funny how they hate that. They go on about how it makes them look “unnatural”. Well, sorry, honey, but it is. And we call ourselves that because we are naturally their mothers. “Birth” mother is offensive as hell to many of us. It implies that our sole purpose was incubator. It means that our only connection to our child was to simply give birth to them. Adopters are happy with that word because many of them feel that is our only purpose: Incubate THEIR baby and then drop off the face of the planet…don’t dare interfere or ask for contact. Perhaps if they honor their open adoption agreements, we would leave them alone. Of course they’re fine with open adoption until it’s inconvenient to them or it makes them insecure. So, in closing…..I am not a birthmother. I am a MOTHER. I am a NATURAL MOTHER. And I don’t give a rat’s ass if an adopter finds this offensive. Truth hurts, doesn’t it?????